Wow, it's been forever...

Well, it's been a busy year.

Sadly, I've only been doing one thing the whole year. It's been an education in frustration, disappointment, betrayal, and despair. But at least I've learned something.

Meanwhile, my health has been changing, almost unnoticed amid the stress and sadness.

So last I was here, I was experimenting with acetyl-l-carnitine, and had been treated for a long standing, hard to kill, fungal infection in my intestines.

I was being treated at a clinic that specializes in fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue.

Well, that clinic changed their billing process, with the end result of me having to stop being treated by them.

That meant that, after I ran through the prescriptions they'd given me for T3 and cortisol, I was going to be SOL. When I asked them what they could do, I mean, they simply dropped me in the middle of treatment, how was I going to remain on the, according to them, life saving meds they had me on? They essentially shrugged their shoulders and told me I'd have to figure something out- that it wasn't their problem.

Proving to me that they honestly were just in it for the money. And it made me doubt their treatments, if they thought it no big deal to drop me with nowhere else to go.

Be that as it may, I did still have two months of prescriptions left at the compounding pharmacy. So I called them, told them about my situation-- and lo and behold, they had a master nurse practitioner on staff who could dispense my prescription meds. She would need to have me do some blood and saliva tests, and fill out about fifteen pages of paperwork, so she could be sure of why and how she should treat me.

I purchased and did the tests.

And boy, am I glad I did. All this time I had really wanted to know for sure what was going on with my cortisol levels (the fibro doctor sort of guessed, but seemed reluctant to really schedule the tests necessary to know). But this nurse practitioner flat out, as a matter of course, ordered the tests. So I got a chance to see on paper my real cortisol levels through the day.

And guess what? I am basically flat-line on cortisol, except for a strange rise and fall pretty late at night (which is odd, but apparently not unheard of for exhausted folk). This, combined with the blood tests for many of the hormones created by the adrenal glands proves what I had always known-- I have Adrenal Exhaustion. Not a little insufficient, not a little fatigue, exhausted. This condition, if it gets worse, turns into failure-- which is called Addison's Disease, and can be life threatening, or at least debilitating.

So what can be done about it? Well, a careful sodium balance is critical because of the lack of aldosterone. I also have to protect my eyes because they don't block light as they should (aldosterone again). Body temperature is an issue because, as often is the case, hypothyroidism is also a problem for me. My body needs huge amounts of amino acids, both because the adrenals use them to create hormones, and because my mitochondria are suffering, due to the adrenal/thyroid problems.

In addition, the adrenal glands require extra vitamins that adrenal exhaustion/hypothyroidism cause to be too low for some reason (there are theories, but the bottom line is I need extra).

Also, possibly unique to my situation, but I doubt it, I have some serious malnourishment issues. Basically my digestive system doesn't work (I don't know how long that's been happening, or exactly how bad because I don't have time to look into it right now).

This means that I need to take large doses of hydrochloric acid, digestive enzymes, and probably ox bile (I haven't gotten those yet, but it is looking like that is something else I'm missing). This means my stomach isn't creating acid like it should, my intestines (and pancreas) are not creating enzymes, and my panceas, gallbladder, and liver are not creating the bile I need to digest food correctly.

I have found that taking large doses of hydrochloric acid for every meal has made the biggest difference in my overall well-being that may well eclipse the improvements made by taking T3 and Cortisol, which were life changing when I started them.

So now I am taking:

4000 UI vitamin D
650 MG acetyl-l-carnitine
500 mg l-lysine
Multivitamin (good quality)
Selenium
Chromium
activated B6 and B5 (turns out I can't process those on my own without it being preprocessed, makes a big difference)
1/2 Iodoral (iodine-- it doesn't seem to be making a difference, but it is rumored that I must increase my vitamin A to see the difference, so that might be a work in progress)
1000 mg esterized vitamin C
Co-Q 10
Omega-3
Magnesium (200mg AM, 200 PM)

Also I am still taking 50mg of T3 and 25mg of Cortisol daily (sometimes more cortisol if the day has been very stressful)

I also take at least 4 (sometimes 6) 650mg HCl with Pepsin capsules per meal, and 2 digestmore enzyme pills per meal. (doing without the enzymes is not a good thing) I will be starting the ox bile as soon as they arrive (they're being shipped).

I have noticed a significant increase in my endurance, strength, concentration, clear-headedness, emotional stability, tolerance to stress, physical recovery from severe stress, ability to keep myself warm as well as tolerance to cool temperatures, ability to tolerate bright light and indirect light better, less migraines, less blindspots, less pain and stiffness, ability to sleep normal hours (both time of day and duration- 8 hours is now fine for me, as opposed to 10, although I do still nap). I can also tolerate standing in one position, or typing for many more hours than I could before.

Although, strangely, it seems my TMJ symptoms are actually getting worse on this regime, rather than better. I don't know why.

In addition to the continued T3 and cortisol, I was prescribed two hormone creams to help my body cope with the adrenal exhaustion-- progesterone and dhea.

I've had bad, bad experiences with dhea and pregnenolone, so I was reluctant to do the dhea, and I must admit that I am using less than half of what was prescribed. But the progesterone was something I knew I needed a long time ago. So I was very happy to see the nurse prescribing it.

The progesterone is administered in a cream twice a day. It makes a big difference as well- increasing my energy levels, but not in a jittery way. The dhea just seems to make my eyelids sweat (gross I know, but seriously, that seems to be the only consistent difference it makes).

Despite the incredible, endless stress I am under due to the work I am currently doing (in the worst sort of environment; alone, completely isolated at my house, never seeing the people making my life hell, dealing with impossible deadlines, threats and bullying, managing people not quite qualified for what they are now doing that wasn't planned for initially, and responsible, in the end, for all things good and bad in the product, no matter what the others do or do not do)-- I am feeling better than I have in practically a decade.

As soon as this job is done (it should have been done in June to give you an idea of how long I've been waiting and how much this job is interrupting my life), I plan to start working out at a local gym, and going back to teaching. That should increase the quality of my life physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially.

So that's the update. Thanks for reading. : )

Just a little thing

As you all know, I'm trying to get over some health things that have been hounding me for more than a decade.

Over the years I've been to many doctors and tried many things.

As my health issues have coalesced into more clinical symptoms, they have given me a more clear idea of the root cause of my illness.

Subsequently, that makes it easier to treat (if, by that time, it is treatable).

To that end, I've been working with amino acids, various vitamins and supplements, salt, and even a little sugar (formerly anathema in my world).

The powder's been fine for me (yay). I was told by my fibro doctor that I should take at least 1000 mg a day if I can stand it.

While I was on Diflucan, I just couldn't take more than about 250mg without getting trembly and anxious. But, without Diflucan (damn that drug), not only can I take more alcar, but it often (along with Co-Q10) gets rid of those headaches I can get in the morning.

So that's the backstory-- on to the little thing.

I was told, because alcar can be stimulating, never to take it too close to bedtime because it could keep you awake.

But then I read on a blog somewhere that taking alcar at night let's your body create HGH and other good things while you sleep.

Well, I've got problems with HGH and other critical hormones because of adrenal fatigue/exhaustion, so I thought I'd try taking some alcar before bed.

The first night I took a full 1000mg about forty minutes before bed, slept all night, woke up early feeling completely rested.

The next night, same thing except I took it about two hours before bed, and it woke me up four hours after I went to sleep, I couldn't go back to sleep for hours, was exhausted the whole day.

Next night, cut the dose, took it about an hour before bed, woke up about six hours later, couldn't go back to sleep, again exhausted.

Finally, I think I've hit on the right approach, about 500mg, right before bed, and I sleep throughout the night, and wake up feeling better than I usually do in the morning.

So I am thinking that yes, alcar can disrupt sleep, and that probably yes, it helps the body do good things while you are sleeping. I think it's a matter of dosage and when you take it as to how much sleep it'll disrupt.

Is there anyone else out there taking acetyl-l-carnitine before bed? What are your experiences with it?

Continuing adventures; breakthroughs, setbacks

Howdy all,

It's been a long time since I posted. Lots of things have happened.

To catch up:

I went off the antifungals. Started feeling great about a day or two later.

Figures.

Have had no bounce back, reinfection that I've noticed since.

I have noticed that I feel better, my skin is better, I do the entire digestion thing better (I'm not drawing a picture here, but suffice it to say, it was not completing the process properly).

Last we spoke (if I may use that term), I had been switched from diflucan to nizoral.

Well, the diflucan definitely was causing my intolerance to the acetyl-l-carnitine, as well as the increased hypoglycemia. It was also messing up my hormones.

At this point I've been off Nizoral for months. It does seem as if I am free of infection so far.

I was given a blood test since the last entry, and it turns out that my Thyroid med dose was twice what it should have been, giving me hyperthyroidism, instead of hypo.

I cut the dose in half-- will have to wait to see if that worked, but it feels like it.

I also am taking the cortisol once a day in the afternoon. It also seems to be helping.

But, on to the real stuff that I've learned and what will happen in the future.

In January I was renewed for an award that is given out yearly. It meant that I qualified to go to a special conference of award winners in February (bad time for event in Seattle, same week as Olympics).

Winter is the worst time for me. I am always at my sickest in the winter, and Feb. is the worst because I am completely worn out at that point.

But, I decided to to the conference anyway.

I also signed up to write another book. That turned out to be a bad, bad idea for a lot of reasons. Bottom line is I ended up working night and day for about two weeks before the event, leaving me exhausted and stressed when I left.

I got horribly, humiliatingly sick on the flight to the event, and basically never recovered while there. I was still sick two weeks after I got back.

At first I thought it was food poisoning. But now (to shorten the tale of woe considerably) it turns out that I probably had human Parvo b-19. That's slapped cheek syndrome or Fifth Disease, a childhood illness that is characterized by flu like symptoms and red, inflamed cheeks. By the time your checks are red, you are no longer contagious.

Like chicken pox, it is not good to get as an adult. It can cause platelet problems because it attacks the bone marrow.

Guess what my symptoms were while I was at the conference? Yup, parvo. And my blood count was bad after I got back. I didn't get to be tested for parvo yet, but it's unlikely I had anything else (unless it was lukemia).

Also, while there, I didn't realize that I had fallen back into the low carb diet I always used to use on the road. But now that I am eating carbs, that was a bad thing. I also wasn't eating enough salt.

All in all, rough experience.

It was after that, when I was home, that I discovered how to end my addiction to steak.

Yes, that's right folks. No more steak (unless I want some).

Up to this point, I had to eat steak (or the equivalent) every day. If I didn't, I'd get muscle pain, neck/shoulder/jaw pain, severe light sensitivity, pounding headaches, fatigue, bewildering brain fog with no short term memory, problems with my sense of smell, and a light side of nausea.

After going to doctor after doctor who all but laughed at me when I asked about it, I think I have the answer:

1) I needed amino acids. Particularly l-carnitine and lysine (but probably others as well).
2) And this is the kicker-- I needed SALT! Yes, what I was really craving was not the meat, but the salt on the meat. That's why it didn't work when I cooked it.
3) I needed the fat. Lots of fat. That's why lean hamburger doesn't cut it (especially if it's overcooked, which is how I prefer it), and chicken or fish are just styrofoam food to me in terms of satiation.

Now, why do I need these things?

Here's what I've found:

It's all about the adrenals. Not the thyroid, which mine have been diagnosed as clinically under-performing. No.

If your adrenals don't work, your thyroid will fail next because of the chronic overburden of trying to pick up the slack. Western medicine only really looks at and treats the thyroid-- which is why it often never gets better-- because it was the adrenals that failed first, and the adrenals that must be recovered first.

But, my adrenals seemed okay, even over producing. The fibro doctor felt that they still needed help (without more testing, just a hunch), and offered me low dose cortisol.

Well, was she right.

Here's the deal. My adrenals do over-produce cortisol in the morning, especially if I have to drive through rush hour traffic to get to the hospital for the blood draw. But that's really all the cortisol I get for the day. Meanwhile, all 49 of the other hormones that the organ should be producing are not being produced.

Of those hormones, aldosterone is used to regulate the body's sodium/potassium balance (among several other important things). If your body doesn't have enough aldosterone, you will have severe problems with low sodium, and a terrible intolerance to potassium.

(hello, that's me)

To compensate, you have to eat up to two teaspoons (ptewy) of kosher (nothing added) salt a day. I am good at about three fourths of a teaspoon right now.

(an interesting site I found about adrenal insufficiency: http://www.drkaslow.com/html/adrenal_insufficiency.html)

Now, the adrenal gland, especially when it is struggling to function, uses more fat and protein than practically any other organ to produce its hormones. No fat (particularly meat fat), no hormones.

And finally, along with the adrenal issue is often a mitochondrial issue. Because those amino acids in the protein that the adrenals are burning through, the mitochondria in every cell of the body, don't get any. That is really bad, because they can't generate energy without it.

So, what do I need?

Well, there's steak (rare to medium rare-- turns out well done steak loses aminos, figures).

Otherwise, I can now do chicken, fish, etc., as long as I drink at least one whey protein drink, high in amino acides, a day. In addition, need a lot of salt, 1/4th a teaspoon before or after each meal works for me. Come to find out I need a little sugar too to process the salt, so I now eat a little sugar or carbs with each meal-- without bloood sugar consequence (yay me).

I haven't gone out to eat since January. I have saved hundreds of dollars, and I feel pretty good.

I still have EBV, and there are days when it flares up, but overall, I'm better.

Oh, and now that I'm off Diflucan, I can do double the recommended dose of acetyl-l-carnitine without bad effect. I think it really helps me with fatigue, headaches, and even helps me get restful sleep.

So what have I learned?

1-- My chronic fatigue was being largely caused by an intestinal infection that was difficult to get over. I also still have high titers for EBV and pneumonia.
2-- The chronic infections (stress, and possibly genetic factors) caused my adrenals to fail or at least falter, which led to my thyroid giving out.
3-- That my adrenals failing and the intestinal infection caused me to be unable to metabolize carbs, putting me on a low carb diet, which further damaged my adrenals and thyroid.
3-- That I am now on DHEA/Pregnenolone, ACL, co-q10, more than 5000ui of vitamin D, omega 3, as well as 5mg of cortisol at least once a day, and 25mg of T3.
4-- That now that I am taking cortisol and infection free (in my intestines), I am now eating carbs. It is helping immensely.

Another interesting avenue I might check out-- stomach acid issues. I found an interesting web site about betaine HCl. A lot of my continued symptoms also point at my stomach not being acidic enough. I may pick up some betaine hcl next week and try it. I'll let you know how it goes.

(interesting site about stomach acids and betaine hcl: http://www.cocoonnutrition.org/catalog/page_betainehcl.php)

Also, something important. I learned that, while I was sick, I should have tripled my dose of cortisol, at least. That as soon as I started doing that (unfortunately, after I got home) is when I started to truly recover. I know that seems counter-intuitive, because cortisol suppresses the immune system, but it helps the body cope with stress, which is what I needed.

So, when you are losing sleep, under terrible stress, getting sick from a virus or infection (flu, pneumonia, etc)-- remember to increase your cortisol. It's like increasing your insulin after eating a lot of sugar.

In the future I need to get started on treating the EBV.

To that end I have purchased a one month supply of Famciclovir. That stuff is expensive!

In the US it's about $700 a bottle for one month. I found it in canada (mail order) for $300, but still. Ouch!

I am holding off on starting the anti-viral part of my treatment (I know, I shouldn't...) until I finish the hardest part of writing the book I'm doing. I just can't possibly keep up my deadlines and cope with what are likely to be the worst side effects I've had yet.

Thanks for reading. I hope what I've learned helps someone else. Remember, amino acids, protein foods, lots of salt, some fat (even butter helps), and some sugar. Don't ever let your doctor tell you that what your suffering with can't be fixed, or that you're not really sick. You know what is right for you. Don't give up.

More on my continued adventures later. Peace.

Continuing adventures; Nizoral, Cortisol, and me

So it's been a while since I updated the blog.

Since that time:

1) Discovered that I can't take Acetyl-L-Carnitine (ALC) at any decent dose, because it dropped my blood sugar like a rock.
2) found a powdered version of ALC, so I can take a tiny dose a few times a day.

So far it has NOT cured my addiction to steak, but I'm still trying. I figure I need much larger doses, but I'm getting there.

3) begun to take decent doses of L-Lysine as well. I didn't know whether that was working, until this weekend. This weekend, in Flu season, I went to Cleveland to do a public event. I didn't sleep well the night before, then had to drive in the dark, in stressful conditions (darned google maps), in a hurry because I was going to be late, went to a dinner that lasted too long, to go to bed too late, to be unable to sleep, to get up too early, to not eat enough for breakfast, to teach sessions that didn't go as planned, to have to eat late, skipping some meds, then late dinner, and later to bed.... and also didn't take my lysine either the day before or the day of the event. And that night I got the biggest fever blister on my lip, evah. It could have been caused by the stress on my immune system, eating something I'm allergic to, sunlight (drove into the sun on the way home), or whatever. Regardless, blisters that I thought I was done with came back as soon as I stopped taking the Lysine.

Lesson learned. Today I doubled my dose, but I think it's too late. The damage is done. We'll see.

4) Went to see the fibro doctor since the last post. She agreed that the Diflucan didn't sound like it was working. She didn't know that Berberine worked synergistically with Diflucan (figures I had to teach her that), and agreed that the 2 berberine tablets that I was taking with Diflucan were good, but that the Diflucan probably were not quite effective. She said that I could change to a different drug, or up the dose. She wasn't keen on upping the dose because of possible liver issues, and she felt that it was possible that my infection might be Diflucan resistant.

Also, she felt that my adrenals weren't entirely up to snuff. However, my blood tests seemed to indicate that I practically at the point of Cushings (caused by the over production of cortisol from your adrenal glands), even though I had none of the physical symptoms of Cushings (no moon face, no hump on back, etc.), and showed every other sign of having adrenal fatigue and too little Cortisol.

She felt that I might be overproducing Cortisol in the morning, then sputtering out and not producing enough throughout the day. That it was possible that I truly needed more Cortisol, and that it would help with my energy issues. Further, you should never really treat the thyroid without also being sure the adrenals are okay.

--So, now I am on 20mg of Cortisol (once for breakfast, once for lunch), and she upped my T3 to 50mcg (25mcg in the AM, 25mcg around dinner).

--And she changed my antifungals to Nizoral, 200mg (supposedly for breakfast).

On the first day, I took the T3 around 7am, by 8:30a felt a little heart poundy. Then took Cortisol for breakfast, and a Nizoral-- and had the worst migraine. It lasted all day. Then I took the second Cortisol, no change whatsoever. The T3 around 7p made me feel slightly less fatigued, but otherwise no change.

I felt horrible; disconnected, exhausted, weak and shaky, light sensitive, terrible headache. Bad. So I did a lot of research on Cortisol and Nizoral.

-- If you have too much Cortisol you can get bad headaches, muscle weakness (even muscle loss eventually). That is what I felt that first day, so I am figuring that AM Cortisol is bad.

--But (and this was a surprise to me, why would a doctor prescribe something like this to a hypoadrenal patient?), Nizoral is used to treat Cushings by suppressing the Adrenal Glands and blocking the production of Cortisol.

Keep in mind though, that first day, there wasn't enough in my blood to help counteract the first Cortisol dose.

Worried, and not having time to play-- this is what I did:

- Kept the thyroid meds, T3, just as they were. They seemed fine.
- Stopped taking the morning Cortisol.
-Kept taking the afternoon Cortisol. It seemed that the afternoon one did seem to keep me going better in the afternoon. No afternoon nap required anymore. Yay!

and the biggy:
- Changed my Nizoral schedule to taking it at night. It seemed to take about nine to eleven hours to completely clear the Nizoral side effects, so I figured if I took it at dinner (must have food), that would give me about three hours before bed, then eight hours in bed. That would give me eleven hours to clear.

Further, I read that your body produced Cortisol in a diurnal pattern. In the morning it produces a lot, to get you up and ready for the day. Then it increases again in the afternoon to give you a boost at the end of the day. Then, at night it stops altogether, so you can sleep. So if I take a Nizoral at night, and is suppresses my adrenals, it's okay. They're off anyway.

And it WORKS. I feel pretty darn good. I have energy, I don't need so many naps, and even my stomach doesn't hurt that much.

Another unexpected bonus-- my hypoglycemia seems less extreme. Cortisol helps keep your blood sugars up and even, and apparently the Diflucan was really making my hypoglycemia much worse (who knew?). I am optimistic that I might be able to tolerate higher doses of ACL, Co-Q10, etc., soon.

Now, I may have stressed my immune system, which is why I've got the lip thing going on, but at least I can easily take the Nizoral (which has some nasty side effects) without too much trouble.

My current regime:

-T3, early AM (then usually back to bed)
-Maitake, one to two pills, just before breakfast
Breakfast
-vitamin D/Multivitamin (DHEA every other day-- too much estrogen if you don't, bad lesson there)
-two tablets Berberine
- Between Breakfast and Lunch- L-Lysine
Lunch (around 3pm)
-Cortisol
(sometimes an Adrenal Stress vitamin C formula)
-2 berberine
Dinner
-Nizoral

In between, whenever I need it I also eat heaping teaspoons of Coconut Oil, about five drops of Oil of Oregano at a time (sublingual, and expensive), and use tea tree oil for my sinuses (it opens them up and is supposed to be antibacterial, antifungal, and even a little antiviral).

So far, it seems to be working. I have been around people coming down with or getting over swine flu/normal flu/strep and haven't gotten it yet-- which gives me tentative hope.

I spent the last weekend out of town, and I am prepping to fly (eek) to another event this weekend that will be a test of my endurance- four hours of teaching (with a break for food). On my feet, talking non-stop. Here's hoping I'll be okay. : )

After that I have to prep for another four hour event in December, work on a new beta of the product I write about, then prep to write another 1100 page book. During that, I will also have to deal with IV antiviral treatments, hardcore antibiotic treatments, and probably another course of antifungals because of the antivirals before I'm done. Each of these courses has their own side effects and problems to deal with on top of trying to write a book.

Wish me luck. : ) I'll keep you posted.

A little note about carnitine and CFS

I just wanted to drop a quick line.

Yesterday I posted about my trying to fix my problem with being addicted to steak, an addiction that every single doctor I've spoken to has ignored, by taking L-Carnitine.

Well, guess what?

I got an email today from the Fibromyalgia and Fatigue Center, titled "Acetyl-L-Carnitine for CFS and Fibromyalgia". It appears that the Center has discovered that supplementing one's diet with Carnitine is great for people suffering from chronic fatigue because they're usually low on Lysine.

Fancy that.

However, they go on to say that acetyl-L-Carnitine form is much more effective to take than just L-Carnitine (which is what I've been trying). So I am going to go pick some up tomorrow-- along with some taurine and CoQ10 (other really useful aminos in high concentrations in meat) just in case.

Just thought you might be interested, and I guess I wanted to give myself a bitter pat on the back-- seeing as I was on the way to discovering that I might be addicted to steak because of carnitine all by myself. Where were these people when I have been needing this info for years?

(speaking of bitter-- it turns out that carnitine and taurine are often added to energy drinks. If I didn't already have reactive hypoglycemia, I might've discovered an alternative to steak long ago...)


I am copying and pasting a lot of what they have to say from the fibromyalgia and fatigue center's newsletter (their website is: http://www.fibroandfatigue.com/index.php) so you can see what I'm talking about:


"Acetyl-L-Carnitine for CFS and Fibromyalgia By: Jacob Teitelbaum, FFC Medical Director

Low levels of the carnitine compound acylcarnitine in the blood or muscles of people with CFIDS/FMS have been found by two different research centers.9 Carnitine plays many roles in the body. It has the critical function of preventing the mitochondria from being shut down when the system backs up. It does this by keeping a substance called acetyl coenzyme A from building up and shutting down the TCA cycle and the electron transport system, the cell's effective energy burning systems. (More about the electron transport system later in this chapter. [callahan-- what chapter?! Is this taken from some book? and if so, which frickin' one?!]) Also, without sufficient carnitine, the body cannot burn fat (and, in fact, makes excess fat), resulting in large weight gains.

L-Carnitine is a naturally occurring form of carnitine that is only found in animal flesh. Beef is high in carnitine. Carnitine can also be synthesized in the body. This process requires adequate amounts of the amino acid lysine, which is low in rice-based vegetarian diets (which also have no carnitine).10 I suspect that the real reason many CFIDS patients who take lysine to prevent herpes outbreaks see their symptoms improve may be that this increases the body's carnitine production.

In my experience, and that of other clinicians, taking supplemental L-carnitine has not been very helpful, and D-L-carnitine can actually worsen symptoms.11 Taking 500 milligrams of acetyl-L-carnitine 500 milligrams 2-3 times a day, however, can be very helpful. It has no side effects except for its cost, usually $1.00 for 1,000 milligrams. Adding 500 to 1,000 milligrams of L-lysine, which is cheaper, can decrease the amount of acetyl-L-carnitine you need to take by helping your body to make its own carnitine. The body also requires vitamin C (I recommend 200+ milligrams a day) and B-complex vitamins to make carnitine.12 Lysine, B Complex and Vitamin C are all present in the Energy Revitalization System vitamin powder. I suspect that most people can lower their dose of acetyl-L-carnitine after 12-16 weeks-for example, to 500 milligrams a day-or even stop it. Any brand is fine as long as it is pure acetyl-L-carnitine.


References:
9. A. V. Plioplys and S. Plioplys, "Amantadine and L-Carnitine Treatment of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome," Neuropsychobiology 35 (1) (1997): 16-23. H. Kuratsune, K. Yamaguti, M. Takahashi, et al., “Acylcarnitine Deficiency in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome,” Clinical Infectious Disease 18 (3 Supplement 1) (January 1994): S62–S67.
10. V. Tanphaichitr and P. Leelahagul, "Carnitine Metabolism and Human Carnitine Deficiency," review article, Nutrition 9 (3) (May-June 1993): 246-252.
11. R.E. Keith, "Symptoms of Carnitine Like Deficiency in a Trained Runner Taking DL-Carnitine Supplements," letter, Journal of the American Medical Association 255 (9) (7 March 1986): 1137.12. H.E.F. Davies, et al., "Ascorbic Acid and Carnitine in Man," Nutrition Reports International 36 (1987): 941.""

Further adventures in trying to get healthy

I've been taking Diflucan for about a week now. It's gotten to the point that it doesn't seem to have any effect at all. I still have the same digestive problems I always have had-- although my nose runs less, I must admit.

I suspect that, when I see the expensive doctor again, I'll be put on a stronger dose for another month.

Meanwhile, I have begun to self medicate a few things. Maybe that's a bad idea, but it's nigh impossible to get in touch with the doctor between visits, so I feel that I'm on my own.

About a year ago, I had explored augmenting my diet with coconut oil. But, when I ate it, I had a horrible reaction. I assumed that I was allergic to coconuts from that point on, and avoided it everywhere I could.

I now know that what had happened is I'd had a herxheimer reaction-- a reaction caused by injesting or otherwise being exposed to something that causes a die off of infectious bodies, be they viral, bacterial, fungal, or parasitic in nature.

Sure enough, I can now eat coconut oil without any reaction whatsoever. Indicating that the diflucan did kill at least some of the nasties in my system.

Coconut oil gives me additional calories without carbs, is good for my skin, contains caprylic acid (along with others) which play havoc with bacteria, protozoa, and fungus, and is primarily made of medium-chain triglycerides, which are directly used by the mitochondria in each and every cell of the body. And it's tasty.

I also have been increasing my intake of probiotics from those given to me by the doctor. She had said in the consultation that they had to be in the billions to be effective-- then the office manager gave me the brand they sell, which has the bacteria cultures only in the millions.

So I went out and bought some "Ultimate Flora" critical care probiotics. They've got a few billion active cultures, so I figure that'll help.

Meanwhile, I am still trying to figure out another part of my health puzzle that no doctor seems to care about-- the fact that I cannot go a day without eating red meat.

Say I had eggs and bacon for breakfast, some chicken for lunch, and some salmon for dinner. That night or the following morning I would start getting really bad pains in my back, neck, side of my head (the side varies), behind my eyes, my sinuses (most notably on the side the head already hurts), light sensitivity, TMJD, overwhelming fatigue, clumsiness, trembling, slurred speech, changes in vision... the whole shpeel.

And this problem, if not fixed, can last for days, the pain getting worse to the point of nausea.

What fixes it? A few meals of red meat.

No joke. I also need to be sure I don't mess up my blood sugar in the mean time (because the symptoms are similar to a hypoglycemia episode), but just eating a few steak meals in a row seems to make all that pain go away.

And if I travel, I make a point of eating steak twice a day (maybe bad quality, chewy buttmeat steak, but steak nonetheless), and almost never have a bad episode.

To make matters worse, the steak can't be too well cooked, or it doesn't work as well. And although ground meat will work in a pinch, I need more of it to accomplish the same thing.

I told this to doctor, after doctor, after doctor, and they all ignored me. It sounded so far fetched.

And believe, it sounds far fetched to me too, but that doesn't make it any less true... and any less a nightmare.

Imagine not being able to skip a day of red meat. Ever.

But I think I've had a break through.

You see, I'm suffering from a chronic, high titer case of Epstein Barr. That's a type of herpes virus and can hide in your body like the kind that gives you cold sores or chicken pox. It needs certain conditions to really get to express itself and reactivate-- an acidic environment, a weakened or extra distracted immune system, and low lysine levels.

L-Lysine is an amino acid that is a building block for several other important amino acids, and exists in direct opposition with another amino acid, arginine. L-Arginine and Lysine can't exist in the same cells. One is always pushing the other out.

The herpes virus (whatever sort you have) hates Lysine and loves Arginine. It needs the balance of power to lean towards Arginine and will actively supress Lysine in an infected person's body (supposedly).

Thus, people with active viral infections likely are low on Lysine. This is especially true of those who suffer from cold sores and fever blisters. Those outbreaks can't happen if the body has enough lysine in it. However, the amount a body needs does change, so there's no silver bullet dose. Further, the body does need Arginine for things, so you can't afford to totally push it out of the way.

So, I've got chronic Esptein-Barr. And I am addicted to steak. What do these two things have in common?

Oddly enough, Lysine.

I was doing research on what nutrients I might be missing in my ongoing attempt to remain healthy after the diflucan (you see, getting rid of the infection is only part of my problem, I need to keep it gone too). I came across a document listing the nutrient components of red meat.

And guess what? Red meat contains the most L-Carnitine of practically any food available for humans (http://ro.uow.edu.au/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1053&context=hbspapers). Grinding it makes the red meat lose some of it's effectiveness, and overcooking it also loses carnitine.

L-Carnitine is an amino acid made in the body from L-Lysine and methionine. If it can't be made, it has to be injested. I am low on Lysine due to my viral infections. Therefore it is likely that I am not able to make adequate amounts of carnitine on my own.

Therefore I need to eat foods high in carnitine every day.

Tada, steak.

Furthermore, chronic fatigue suffers often have mitrochondrial disfunction issues. And wouldn'tcha know it? L-Carnitine is specifically used by the body for "the transport of fatty acids from the cytosol (intracellular fluid) into the mitochondria during the breakdown of lipids (or fats) for the generation of metabolic energy." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnitine)

To that end, I have decided to take L-Carnitine supplements in order to see if I can kick my steak habit.

There weren't many options at my small, local health food store, so I bought the only one I could, 500mg from Solaray. That's about 400mg more than I really need, but pill forms of amino acids aren't as readily absorbed as those from food-- so I figure I'll probably get about 200 or maybe 150 mg's from it.

Now, if the carnitine doesn't work, I can try for L-Taurine. It's another biggy that meat offers. But the symptoms of a carnitine deficiency more closely resemble what happens to me-- so I'm going to try that first.

In addition, I figured it wouldn't hurt to add more Lysine to my diet as well. In addition to its antiviral properties, it also works in conjunction with arginine (which I get a lot of in my diet) to build muscle. I am a bit hopeful that maybe this will help me regain muscle mass and stamina when working out as well.

So as of today:

-Diflucan is causing no side effects and no apparent improvements except I don't get the sniffles when I turn on the AC like I used to (a blessing, if minor), and I can eat coconut again.
-I started taking the compounded T3 at 10mcg once a day. I am not sure if it's doing anything, honestly. It isn't causing me harm as far as I can tell.
-Because I've been doing to the T3, I've cut down the synthroid from 88mcg to 75. I started about four days ago, and today feel really wiped out. Not sure if it's the synthroid (which I thought, since it is the only way my body can create reverse T3, I needed to cut back on), or something else. Will stay at 75 til the end of the week to be sure.
- Can tolerate the ribose better at this point, doing 2grams twice a day (at this point, for comparison, the container says I should be doing 5grams three times a day or more).
- Am doing the DHEA/Pregnenolone supplement once a day, but making it later in the day. It seems to help me get restful sleep, but that could be coincidence.
- Have added Magnesium citrate to daily routine in attempt to stablize my digestion. Things don't seem to passing through my system as quickly as they should. I am blaming the Diflucan, but gahd knows what the problem really is.
- Taking higher doses of probiotics at this point (although there seems to be no change there either)
- Finally, going to take 500mg of L-Carnitine and L-Lysine starting later today.

Wish me luck.

Things I've learned about Diflucan, compounded T3, and me

In my continued adventures, I started taking 200mg of diflucan over the weekend.

I started with feeling a little toxic about forty minutes after taking the drug, and otherwise just feeling a little tired. No other changes or side effects. I am wondering if this is working at all.

One thing I did notice, my nose ran like crazy, like I was coming down with a cold, when I sat next to the air conditioner. Especially for the first few hours after taking the drug. I had been having intermittent runny nose and stuffiness that I attributed to the AC before, but this was extreme.

The next day I took it, about thirty minutes later, felt a little toxic, then for about an hour and half, felt pretty disconnected, exhausted, and weak. Did have to hit the bathroom (urgent trips are completely not normal for me), but after I felt really, really good. Like I'd taken a hit of muscle relaxants and some Xopanex. It was kind of weird, in a good way, but unnatural for me.

And, of course, it didn't last. When I got home (all of this happened while at a brunch with friends, of course), and once again next to the AC, I got some light sniffles, but nothing major.

The next day, took the Diflucan at the same time of day, and soon felt completely exhausted, like I'd run a marathon. I am not sure what happened. I strongly suspect it was blood sugar (but it could also be the DHEA or ribose I took too), as I'd accidentally not included a lot the day before (habit). To compensate, I ate a number of carbolicious things (rice cereal with rice bran added, almond and rice flour pancakes- with forbidden cream cheese, and a big dose of ribose). I thought that had beat the low blood sugar, assuming that my insulin resistance would protect me from a crash.

I was wrong.

The following day I awoke in pretty extreme pain and fatigue. I had to go see my old endocrinologist that day too-- which is always taxing. She didn't want to hear about the new doctor and my taking T3 to supplement the synthroid. (I mean it. She didn't argue, she simply disregarded me telling her. Weird.) When I told her that I had been tested for epstein-barr and mycoplasma pneumonia and came up high on both, she immediately insisted I go see a infectious disease specialist. She insisted that the doctor who first ran the blood test and that I was actively seeing was hardly more than a chiropractor and that I needed to see a real doctor.

But, she's a "real" doctor, and refused to do the blood tests that now are such a big deal. Why should I want to go somewhere she considers "real" when "real" didn't get me anywhere in the first place?

Sigh.

Later that day, I took an extra DHEA and some more ribose (which I struggle with because it is pure carbs and my body can't handle it well. I use 1/5th the normal dose).

That night, the pain increasing, I actually ate some craisins (tried rinsing off the sugar first-- futile). It was a desperate act that should have caused a serious headache. Instead, the pain started to go a way a little.

Also, while I was at the endo's, I'd gotten a package from the compounding pharmacy. My T3 prescription had arrived. I discovered that I have to be very, inconveniently, strict about how I take it. It will bind to practically anything too easily, so I have to take it two hours after a meal, and one hour before one, every time. Great. That means I either have to wait an hour after I get up to eat (not really an option on busy mornings), or I get used to waking up an hour before I need to, taking the T3, going back to sleep for an hour.

I mean, I could take the T3 before bed, but I often eat close to bedtime in order to maintain my blood sugar levels through the night.

That night, at about 4:25am, I woke up feeling absolutely refreshed and great. Like I had during the weekend. I tried to go back to sleep, and eventually did for an hour or two. Then got up, took the T3, and went back to sleep.

Two hours later, I woke up feeling better than ever. It was great. And the feeling lasted all day-- took my diflucan, all the other meds, etc. (although I did blow off the ribose-- it was giving me headaches- I also cut down on the DHEA, because I wasn't sure that it wasn't the cause of my fatigue)

And today? Well, not that good. I didn't sleep well. Had temperature problems (sweats, hot flashes, cold spells), all night. And the pain that had gone away, was back again. Fatigue, achiness, and now a sore throat.

Not good (and I have to talk to the editor today). I took the T3 and tried to sleep a little more, but to no avail. Got up, did breakfast, felt better. Still fatigued, but now just the normal fatigue I get when I sleep while suffering from low blood sugar.

After breakfast, I took the diflucan. I am on the fence as to what symptoms it is causing, and what is caused by all the other, supposedly harmless, stuff I am taking.

I do know that, after taking the diflucan, I turned on the AC (humidity is intolerable here) and my nose ran only a little bit. After the diflucan fully kicked in, my nose isn't running and is only a little stuffy.

Could it be that that "allergy" I've "always" had is, in fact, a fungal infection? Interesting.

Meanwhile, I have noticed sores starting in my mouth and throat. Will have to see how that progresses.

Also of note, after I received the T3 from the pharmacist, I called in with some questions and learned that the doctor who is treating me is kind of new. She's "good" he says, but she's really just following a protocol. She won't be likely to be able to be inventive or flexible.

It makes me think, maybe I should check that "real" doctor, the infectious disease doctor the endo' suggested. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to get a second opinion if I am being treated by someone blindly following someone else's doctrine.

For example, her "protocol" says if someone's intestines are infected, have them take 200mg of Diflucan. But, it is now common practice to start with a loading dose of 400mg first, then drop to 200 after. But her protocol was written before that discovery was made. So here I am, with an obviously pernicious, chronic infection, not taking the most effective dosage course. (I found this out, of course, after starting the medication) There may be reasons for this, but none that she mentioned to me.

Oh, and by the way, the T3 (10mcg, supposedly time released), doesn't seem to be doing anything at all. Just to be clear. ; )

So that's where I stand.

I have to schedule my life around these drugs at this point (T3, synthroid, DHEA/prenenolone, ribose, maitake, diflucan, ribose, and more), dealing with a changing sea of side effects, while trying to get on with life.

Right now my biggest problems, as I see it (but I could be wrong...), are the soreness and pain coming back, fatigue, and these sores that are starting in my mouth and throat. They are not uncommon with Difulcan, but I don't like it.

All in all, I bet that the treatment for my intestines will be the easiest I'll be facing. I am pretty sure both the epstein-barr and mycoplasma pneumoniae will require IV treatments. I am expecting to be completely bed ridden with a side of seizures for those...

Ahh, the irony. Catching up (part 2)

Howdy.

In part one I reviewed the whole, "doctor did blood tests, put me on synthroid without exploring any less addictive options, still doesn't entirely help" thing.

In this edition, I am going to continue reviewing the adventures that followed that experience.

I began taking the synthroid (starting with less than 50mcg, then moving up to 75mcg, then 88mcg, where I am now) at the very end of February. In addition, I also started taking potassium chloride, vitamin D, and a big, fat multivitamin.

On Feb. 28th, I had to travel to Seattle for a week long summit. So I'd been taking the meds and supplements for only a few days before finding myself at a conference surrounded by strangers.

It was about three days into the conference when I realized I was feeling weird. I couldn't concentrate on anything, I was dazed, the slightest thing confused me. I was acting drunk (which, given I don't drink, is not funny).

Turns out that that is what high doses of Potassium Chloride do to you, just before they kill ya.

I almost didn't make it home because I got disoriented and confused at the airport. I became almost delirious on the last leg home, arguing with the stewardess about the duration of the flight (which was about forty minutes, but I was convinced, for some irrational reason, that it was three hours and couldn't figure out why they wouldn't give me water).

When I got home I realized that something wasn't right. The next morning, after displaying more neurologic issues, I looked online for side effects of synthroid, then vitamin d, then, finally, potassium chloride. Ta da, that was it.

I then called into the nurse for confirmation, which they waited too long to give me. Then in my next blood tests it showed that I had pretty bad hyperkalemia (high potassium). No duh.

Meanwhile, I was prepping for and doing presentations all over the US. Travelling to Tucson, DC, Los Angelos, London (England, okay, one trip outside the US), Baltimore, Columbus, and more. Every month involved travel, so there wasn't much time to focus on doctors appts, and health.

During all this, I did notice that the synthroid was helping me tolerate the ups and downs of travel better. I was getting more restful sleep (although not entirely refreshing). The vitamin D was really helping with the chronic pain, weakness, and stiffness.

But it did not fix two of my main concerns: food allergies and pain/fatigue episodes. Yes, the episodes did seem easier to recover from, but it didn't stop them, which was the whole point.

So, I started doing the rounds among all the specialists the endocrinologist had suggested.

First,
- The Neurologist: said, with his hands behind his head, already dismissing me before I sat down, that all I had was migraines. He gave me some samples of some beta blockers. Then he asked, yelling down the hall as I was leaving, if I had heart problems. When I said "yes," he told me to nevermind on the beta blockers, as they were contraindicated for people with heart issues.

Then, he just went back to his room and closed the door. Not suggesting anything else to help instead.

I have been tested for migraines twice in the last decade. Both times I turned out to be negative for more than average headaches.

and on to:

-Rheumatologist: Saw me for five minutes or less. Sat down and said "I already know what is wrong with you. I have a diagnosis. Don't you feel better already, knowing what you have?" He then pinched me in four places and announced that I had Fibromyalgia. He then commented that, "I'm surprised you didn't figure that out yourself on the internet."

He didn't seem to realize that I'd been tested for FM previously, thoroughly. After a thorough check up, it turned out that I didn't have all the symptoms necessary to have that disorder.

When I thanked him for his time, and asked him what kind of treatment does FM require, he told me that there is no treatment. That FM can't be cured, only lived with. There was a brochure the nurse could give me on my way out. Have a good day...

That inspired me to find someone to dispute his claim, because I knew that if that diagnosis stayed on my record no other doctor would bother with me.

I posted on Facebook about it, and a friend of a friend pinged me, saying that I should check out the Fibromyalgia and pain clinics (there was one on my area). They could conclusively prove I don't have FM.

So I called the local area FM clinic and made an appt, which I had to pay for out of pocket (my empty, empty pocket).

When I met the doctor, I told her that what I wanted was to prove I didn't have FM. Something, I'm sure, she wasn't expecting.

She did a thorough exam (thank god), and told me I didn't have FM. However, I did very likely have chronic fatigue. The CDC has a test for it, which I, unfortunately, scored high on.

She then suggested I get a metric shitload of blood tests (52 in all) and come back to her for treatment.

She said that with those tests she could determine what was really wrong with me, what the underlying cause of my pain and fatigue was-- and cure it. I was stunned. I'd been told that FM, CFS, and those sorts of things can't be cured.

She laughed and said that that was what most doctors said. But, usually, when a person shows up with what amounts to chronic flu symptoms, chances are that they are actually harboring at least one, usually several, chronic infections. Any one of which gives you flu symptoms. So, if those infections are found and treated, and the body supported after that so it can fully recover, often people essentially "get over it". They may always be suspectible to relapse if they're not careful, because they were vulnerable enough to get into trouble the first time. But with care, the person can recover and stay that way.

As for the allergies? Well, they can be caused by infections and imbalances in the intestines. If your intestines, where you absorb your food, are messed up, they cause your body to react incorrectly to food and other substances. This seemed kind of far fetched to me, but I remember being able to eat anything for most of my life, until I started taking antibiotics. And besides, most of my problems are food related. So it was possible.

I was psyched. That made sense to me.

Then, her office manager came into the exam room and told me that that would be $100 for that visit, $500 to $300 for all subsequent visits, and about $188 per treatment (possibly more), for about 18 months. Oh, and they don't take any insurance.

And on that note, I moved on. Don't get me wrong, I was curious to see if she was right, so I got the blood tests done (30 vials of blood), but I was going to have to find treatment I could afford.

Oh, how wrong I was...

Anyway, I moved on to the next specialist on the list:

-Nutritionist/Gastroenterologist: I waited three months to see this guy. He listened patiently to my whole story, then told me that I had food anxiety. That I had been misdiagnosed by everyone before seeing him (and I can't say he's entirely wrong, but what arrogance is that?!), that they had taught me to fear food. That I just had to ignore all my symptoms and start eating the diet he gave me. Totally ignoring my known and proven gluten allergy-- wheat, rye, and corn were high on his list of good foods. He didn't seem to care when I told him that would make me sick. He said that that was likely to happen, but do it anyway. "Eventually, you will be able to eat everything on the list. You'll be fine."

Sigh.

To refute him, I went to a different nutritionist, only this time at a holistic health center.

That guy, although he was really a slimy, car salesman kind of guy was so much closer to right. He did not dismiss any of my symptoms or allergies. And he immediately said the same damn thing that fibromyalgia lady did. However, his treatments were herbal and cheaper.

So I bought the herbs, they were pretty cheap, and brought them home. Then I looked each one up online and discovered that they were probably not going to be strong enough to truly cure what's wrong.

That led me back to the fibro' lady. She was a real MD, not a chiropractor, she could prescribe real meds. She had commented that trying to kill really deep seated infections was a bitch, needed really strong drugs, and might require several different protocols to really work. That car salesman implied that a box or two of herbals would put me right as rain, no blood tests to speak of, see me in three weeks.

I had about twenty pages of blood tests results by this time (from those 52 blood tests she'd requested), and had made just enough money to cover the return doctor visit ($500). So I made a return appointment.

I figured this:

The endocrinologist didn't care about anything but the thyroid, and could only test for and prescribe synthroid.

All other specialists, admittedly most of which she'd suggested, didn't care, thought it was in my head, or felt it was an untreatable disorder. They didn't want to actually hear me and cure me. My real problems had been utterly disregarded.

If I wanted to get to the bottom of my problems, I needed some who would schedule 52 blood tests on first meeting. Who really cared about my recovering from what was ailing me, not just about diagnosing me, taking my money, and getting me out the door.

So that meant my only option was the uber expensive, put me in bankruptcy, fibro' lady.

I mean, it couldn't hurt just to listen to her take on the results, right? I had already gone over them, line by line, online, and some, frankly scared me. There were some things I wanted to know.

So I went to the appointment with an open mind. I just wanted to hear what she had to say. Maybe my blood tests would show she couldn't help me. Or maybe there would be a more inexpensive way to do it.

To start, let me say that that doctor is amazingly thorough and patient. She is definitely worth $500. I just wish that my insurance, which I am already paying for, covered it, even a little.

She went line by line over each page of the blood tests, writing notes in the margins and telling me what every single one meant, particularly in relation to each other. The results were out of order like crazy, and she had to keep going back and forth through the pages, but still, she did every single one.

The results were kind of traumatizing.

I had hoped, having looked at them myself, that there were a few things wrong that I could see, but a lot of things were in the okay range.

But what actually happened, is some of the numbers I was worried or confused about were actually not an issue. Yes, my iron is high, but not super bad, and mostly because of the steak I eat every day. A few numbers were off, but the test had "hemolyzed" rendering those numbers irrelevant (and she too doesn't know why they're even there then).

And some of the numbers were much worse than I thought.
-My white blood cells are down a little, some of my IGG counts are low too.
-My DHEA is a little low, my Pregnenolone is so low I should be a ninety year old woman. (those two indicate that my Adrenal gland is broken, but I keep showing high, seriously high, cortisol for my blood tests) Those two account for a lot of my lack of endurance, strength, concentration, etc.
-Additionally, although my TSH numbers were improving, my T4 was perfect yet I still felt like crap. That's because my T3 was actually low and my reverse T3 was through the roof.

(TSH is the hormone the pituitary produces when the thyroid isn't working, higher is bad. T4 is the hormone the thyroid is supposed to produce --well there are actually three more, but endo's ignore that. Synthroid is synthetic T4. Your body is supposed to create T3 from T4 when it needs it. T4 is inactive, T3 is active).

But if I had good T4, why was my T3 not good? Because a lot of the T4 was being used for reverse T3 instead. So trusting my body to use the synthroid to make the right kind of T3 was obviously not working.

And that was just my hormone panel. The worst was yet to come.

The fibro' lady had been convinced that I had some chronic infections going on in my body from years of exposure in daycares and training centers. I figured I'd have, maybe, a few numbers a little above normal. I was afraid she'd brush them off as being on the fence and not treat me for them.

Boy was I wrong. According to the blood tests (which, mind you, at this point were several months old), I have a few infections, the worst of which is epstein-barr.

Yup, mono.

When you test for a virus in your body, they do a "one to ten" thing. So it shows up as 1:10, where there's ten antibodies in one measure. That means there are some antibodies, but they're not on alert, they're just patrolling. You had the infection in the past, and made antibodies for it, but you don't have it right now.

Some tests use a different max variable, but if you have 1:160, then you are probably suffering from an ongoing infection. Basically, 1:80 is highish but acceptable for just patrolling antibodies. Twice that is considered an active infection.

My epstein-barr numbers? 1:2560.

Yes, two thousand, five hundred, and sixty to one. Eight times the acceptable number of antibodies to show a previous, but inactive infection.

Oh, I've got mono alright... but there's more.

I also have Mycoplasma pneumoniae (igg is supposed to be at .09 or less, mine's 3.68), and an intestinal (and systemic) fungal infection. I apparently got that from all the antibiotics I'd taken in the past. Almost three times the acceptable limit in my digestive system, and almost twice as much simply in my blood system.

Keep in mind that if you have an imbalance of bacteria alone in your intestines (dysbiosis), you can get food sensitivies and other issues. And I've seriously got that.

And if you've got an imbalance that leans towards those pesky funguses (like candida, which is super common), you cannot eat sugars, starches, or anything that the fungus likes to eat, or you'll get sick. Huh, that sounds like me. It'll also make you crave those foods if you try to stop eating them. Sounds like me too. Mind you, I've been on a no/low carb diet for over five years, specifically because of those symptoms. No one else had ever told me why...

Oh, and quick tip, yogurt isn't really entirely effective in reintroducing bacteria to your body. Yeah. It seems I should've done more... to bad not one single doctor mentioned that. Even though I am living with the proof.

So it turns out that:

-- my symptoms are not in my head
-- my recurring bouts of flu symptoms; pain and fatigue had a definite cause
-- my increasing sensitivities to food have a possible cause (we'll see once I'm clear)
-- my incredibly limited diet was caused by something that can be cured, and not in my head (and not to be stopped or messed with til I'm cured)

The next steps?

Well, that's a good question. Keep in mind that I am broke. That I've not been really working this year because all my free time is taken up with largely useless doctor visits.

In order to be able to see this doctor and get my infections treated, I will have to work. But I can't work while I am dealing with infection die off and the side effects of the drugs to kill them.

But I have to work to pay for it, but I can't work if I get it, but...

So you can see my dilemma.

But, as luck would have it, I was just asked to co-author some new courseware. I would make about double what the treatment would cost (which would also almost cover the cost of the equipment upgrades I need to do the project, plus the treatment).

So, I accepted the gig. Yes, I am taking a risk. But what else can I do? I may not be entirely ready or able, when the time comes, to do the work, but I am going to have to buck up and do it anyway. Life's hard.

With that option covered (if the bid goes through), I have decided to try to do as much of the fibro lady's treatment as I can.

The treatment prescribed to me was:

I need to increase my DHEA/prenenolone, and get rid of my viral, intestinal, and bacterial infections (but I can't do all three at once, it could damage my kidneys and liver... that means I have to wait and do one at a time). Work on my T3 numbers. See if clearing my body of infection will raise my white blood cell counts. Improve my energy and sleep (since I can't heal without sleep).

To that end:

-Continue with the multivitamin, vitamin D, and synthroid for now. However, the doctor wants me off the synthroid, since it's not really working.
- supplement the synthroid with a synthetic, compounded T3 (an extra 40$ a month right there). Eventually increase T3 and go off synthroid
-take three months of Diflucan for the intestinal infection.
- take some ribose to boost my cell energy (commonly taxed from chronic infection)
- take probiotics (real ones) to replenish my intestines
- get another cortisol test done.
- start on the T3 replacement therapy, as soon as the shipment gets here.

Go back to the doctor in a month.

If all goes well I can start the oral and IV medication for the epstein-barr, and the IV meds for the mycoplasma pneumoniae. She'll also test my T3 numbers again to see if the replacement is working.

And now you're caught up with what I'm doing. (oh, I was just asked to write the next edition of my book, so that's good too)

Ahhh, the irony. Catching up on the health thing again (part 1)

So it's been about six months since my last post and so many things have changed that I don't know where to begin.

On January 1st I won a special technology award that is only valid for one year. It kind of obligated me to do a lot of travelling, speaking, and other community things related to my area of expertise. In February, I finally found someone who took my feeling ill seriously and prescribed for me a bunch of blood tests to discover what was wrong.

And found a number of things.

But only treated one, considering me "cured" when that one thing was better (which is still isn't).

I was a bit confounded. On one hand, this person was the first and only one who bothered to respect me enough to assume I was sick when I said I was, and tried to find the cause. But on the other, she only focused on her one, favorite blood test to diagnose me, and then prescribed only one kind of drug, in the face of many options, to treat it (I think I mentioned that in the previous post, but it's so important it deserves mentioning again). Even if that drug was wrong for me, she would consider no other, or any other of the common blood tests to get more details.

One blood test, one organ, one drug. Period.

The other eighteen blood tests? Well, she does those to keep from being sued. You see, from time to time, some of her patients turn out to have something else seriously wrong with them that the one organ, one disorder she likes. So to avoid being sued, she just does the same large group of tests in case any new patients turn out to have gout, hirsutism, cancer, vitamin deficiencies, or kidney/liver disorders. In the same vein, despite her conviction that my only problem was my thyroid (which is in the neck of a human), she scheduled me for a ultrasound of my reproductive system because the women in the exam room next to mine had turned out to have ovarian cancer, and well, now she'd rather be safe than sorry.

(No, I don't have anything wrong with my underworked reproductive system, thank you.)

Despite the suspicious nature of her obsession with the synthroid and the organ it replaces, she did have a point. The only blood test that she focused on, TSH (thyroid stimulation hormone, produced by the pituitary, indicates the thyroid isn't working), was way, way off. It needs to be between 1 and 2. Mine was 10.36, indicating clinical hypothyroidism.

One of the biggest reasons why the thyroid might be having problems is adrenal insufficiency. Another biggy is a lack of adequate iodine.

Did she test for those?

No.

Why? She wasn't interested in curing the problem. That would put her out of business. Instead, she wanted me to take a drug, which once I start on it I have to keep taking for the rest of my life, that only replaces the inactive hormone that the thyroid produces, T4.

But, I was desperate. I felt really sick, I had travelling and performance to do, and she was a doctor. I didn't have time to find a second opinion. Lots of people I knew were on synthroid. But I didn't feel it was right for me. I thought maybe there was something else wrong, maybe I just needed more iodine, or less.

But I ran out of time. My insurance said that I'd gone to a doctor, I'd gotten blood tests, now I had to follow their advice....

... so at the end of February, at the expense of my own opinion, I gave in and started taking synthroid.

I started slower and at a lower dose than the endocrinologist wanted. I didn't discuss it with her, I couldn't. She wouldn't hear it. I was going to take the does she wanted, period.

I was to learn the hard way to ignore people like that. They don't know you and don't care. If it's wrong for you, that's actually not their problem. They get paid, even if you die.

Let me say that again-- they get paid even if you die. For some, that is incentive enough to do what they always do when people have X, Y, or Z. It doesn't matter if anything about you is different and contraindicated for that treatment. They do what they do, no changes, no give backs. You went to their office, no you do their dance little monkey.

That is why I had grave misgivings when I started the meds, and why I did it at half dose.

I had some side effects, and it didn't seem to help me in any way. Then after a few weeks, I went for two thirds. I noticed sweating, heat intolerance, trembling, increased fatigue. I called in and they just poo-poohed my complaints.

I found that if I modified how I was taking my BC (which I have found has accidentally saved me from getting the estrogen related cancers and fibroids that four out of five women in my family get-- three out of those four die of the cancer as a matter of fact), the sweats went away. I had to change that on a permanent basis-- probably a sign that something wasn't right.

Over the next several weeks, that dose was okay. Then, eventually I went for the full dose. I felt weird about it, like I was addicting myself to heroin.

I went back in to see the endo' and my TSH numbers were still high-- even though I was feeling better. So she increased me; first 1/4 more, then finally a fourth more than that.

At that final dose, I found myself not feeling better-- but gaining weight fast. I bloated up and now can't fit into any of my clothes. It sucks. My arms and legs are still skinny, but my face, neck, and abdomen are bloated up and getting a little pudgy. Not good.

And when I mention it to the endo? She tells me to live with it.

And the bouts of pain? The increased sensitivities to food, chemicals, sunlights, dust, mold, pollen, etc.? The fact that I am now having allergic reactions to shampoos, soap, conditioners that have never bothered me before? That I am starting to get rashes that don't go away for months? The fatigue and feeling like I have the flu?

Not related, in her opinion, therefore something that I have to live with, or at least not bother her with it. Seriously, as far as she's concerned it's a different specialist's problem.

So let's see:

-- recurring bouts of severe pain and stiffness
-- severe gluten intolerance/reactive hypoglycemia
-- really restricted diet due to allergies/sensitivities to: wheat, corn, yellow#5, artificial flavors, preservatives, nitrates, sulfates, MSG, and a host of other things-- not to mention allergies to latex, coconut, tin, nickel, bounce, tide, febreeze, most perfumes, perfumed soaps, shampoos, moisturizers...
-- sensitivity to air conditioning, central heating, mold, mildew, funguses, and dust. Serious, serious problems with dust.
-- recurring bouts of severe fatigue. Combined with the pain it feels just like a really bad flu
-- with the fatigue is bouts of non-restful sleep. Afer ten hours, I feel like I pulled an all nighter
--recurring pneumonia, happens everytime I get a cold or sinus infection. Often, just when I miss even an hour of sleep, will start to get a sore throat, sinus pain, itchy lungs.

What did the synthroid help?

-- a lot of the fatigue is gone
-- I can recover from fatigue and pain faster
-- I sleep a little better
-- I can definitely handle cold temperatures better. My fingernails turn less blue in air conditioning

During my initial experience with synthroid, I was also diagnosed with hypokalemia (low potassium) and really low vitamin D. That could attribute to my heart arrhythmia, fatigue, weakness, pain, and light sensitivity.

Given that, I started taking a good, for seniors, multivitamin and vitamin D. The endo also prescribed me potassium chloride-- which was contraindicated for someone with potential adrenal problems or underlying autoimmune issues. But I didn't know that at the time.

The vitamin D, which she dosed way, way too low, really helped from the start (after I raised the dose from 400 to 4000iu).

The potassium chloride? Almost killed me. And when I called it in from the airport, the nurse didn't get back to me for more than a day-- to tell me to stop taking it.

(turns out that high doses of potassium chloride is used to kill inmates on death row-- who knew?)

Idiots.

The next week, when I did the standard blood tests before a revisit with that endo, it showed I now had bad hyperkalemia. Too much potassium. The potassium chloride form of supplementation was way too strong.

And like a robot, without wonder why I could be too low one week and way too high the next, the endo just told me to stop taking potassium altogether. As if there hadn't been something underlying that was causing the original depletion. As if the previous months had not happened.

No alternative means of keeping my potassium up was suggested. Go team.

So that catches you up to what drugs I've been doing up to this week, what's been going on, and where I am healthwise.

Stay tuned for part two-- where I discuss all the specialists I needed to see, what I learned about referrals, what I learned about getting second opinions, why health insurance sucks, and more...

Time has passed, things have changed...

So it's been a while since I posted.

Why?

Well, originally, it was because all I was doing was working.

Then it became, because I was doing a lot of personal stuff-- but didn't really want to talk about it.

Now, I think it might be time to do so.

So what gives?

Well, I got sick of being sick.

That's the long and short of it.

My allergies and sensitivities were getting worse and more unpredictable, and my reactions to exposure were getting worse, longer lasting, and the symptoms were changing in a scary way.

So, I changed PCPs. Of course, in doing that I had to deal with scheduling issues so I couldn't get in to see this person for months.

Finally, I pitched a fit and got an appointment. At which time she accused me of having post traumatic stress disorder and suggested therapy.

sigh.

But she agreed to have me go to an endocrinologist.

So I went to the endocrinologist. She spoke to me for about ten minutes (most of the time asking me about my family and what my job was-- then sort of accused me of being "a genius" like it was going to be a problem) and diagnosed me as having hirsutism and goiter.

sigh.

But at least she scheduled me to get 19 blood test (mostly to prove that I have hirsutism and goiter, but still, it's something), and two piss tests.

Well, it appears I need more tests. It appears I am very sick. Treatment is kind of iffy.

The accelerated aging of my skin? Yup, that's proven by the blood tests. Is it reversible? Mmm, we'll see...

All of my symptoms and more are explained by the blood tests I've gotten, but they don't definitively show exactly which organ, or set of organs, are failing. I mean, yeah, my hormones are all messed up, cortisol ain't right, and I am low on potassium and vitamin D (again), but that could be my adrenals, thyroid, or pituitary.

Of course, the endocrinologist is only focusing on and plans to treat the thyroid-- but as I see that is stupid, I ain't gonna let that happen. We know something's wrong, now we need to confirm what organs are actually damaged, in what way, then decide a course of treatment, not just willy nilly start taking stuff I can't quit once I start...

Oh, and my heart could be damaged, I've got very dangerously high cholesterol (but low to normal blood pressure), and I have to do a lot of travel in the next two months. I'm afraid when I tell the endo' that she'll demand I not go.

And, by the way, I have exactly the opposite of what the endo' diagnosed me with. Clinically, badly, opposite.

So there you go. 'Stuff that has been distracting me lately. Meanwhile, I am still trying to work, improve my lot in life, not do anything that permanently damages my standing in the world. It's tough, but I am hanging in there.

I did get the iphone over the winter. I really like it but the battery is really bad. I might have to have it replaced with a new phone it's so bad (full battery runs out from one phone call). I love all the apps, I use them constantly. Of course, only the free ones-- hey, they do everything I need and why spend more money on a phone that was too expensive to begin with? Still, the calls come in, I can see my voicemails, SMS works great-- as a phone it does what I need. What's not to like?

Nifty Things

Well, I haven't posted in a while. Partly because this is a personal blog, and I've not really been having a personal life, and partly because I haven't had any good stuff to write about.

It's all been work, work, work. Chronic, dark, suicidal depression-- and work. ; )

But I've collected some stuff from here and there that I'd like to comment on:

1) I love my SAD light. I have found that, in addition to it's expected function, it works to cure most of my headaches (in midsummer, regardless of the weather)-- 'dunno why. But sometimes, when I wake up all headachy and sore, an hour or so in front of the SAD light and the pain is gone. Hmmm, does a seratonin imbalance cause pain and inflammation? What else does the SAD light do (except maybe make it brighter so my eyes don't strain as much?) that could cure a headache?

2) My favorite video game of 2007 (played, however, in 2008 because of the damned book), Portal, is going to have a second version (aptly named Portal 2 at this point), coming out next year. Woo hoo! I loved, loved, loved that game. Awesome one liners, serious mind-bending antics, great graphics, physics, challenges, logic, characters, all of it. It was seriously too short though. And, just for the record, I have always hated that damn companion cube-- but was kind of freaked when Glados told me to euthanize it. Wtf?! LOL. Great game. Theme song is also incredibly perfect. The voice of Glados (and most of the other devices) was the absolute, hands-down, most perfect bit of casting ever. Genius. Pure genius.

3) I am considering getting an iPhone.

Yes it's true. For those of you who know me, I have been railing against complicated, PDA phones for years, and specifically against the iPhone. So to those people, this sounds like I've gone crazy.

But here's the deal. I have been watching my boyfriend use his iPhone for a year or so. He can do all kinds of stuff with it, and with each update it just gets better.

In the meantime, my motorola phone was dying. It couldn't stay charged, the volume was slowly going mute, and kept losing calls midsentence. It was just old.

But as luck would have it, I won a BlackJack II smart phone at a Microsoft Launch event earlier in the year-- so I simply started using the new phone. It was a timely replacement for the dying motorola.

Now the blackjack II, unlike my motorola, is a PDA kinda phone. Capable of internet access, storing all kinds of data, and generally being more useful.

After watching my boyfriend use his phone, and coveting some of the features, I was all ready to start using the blackjack the way it should be used--- but...

...But the menus sucked. I couldnt' find anything, use anything without sixteen clicks to get there. Navigation sucked. It was too restrictive, I couldn't change settings I wanted to, I could change settings that were meaningless.

It was slow. Battery power sucked, and it powered off without warning, leaving me unaware people were calling me. There were delays in SMS messages up to a day. Some texts sent early in the day actually arrived long after later texts were sent-- causing considerable confusion for all parties involved.

However, I did get a taste of how nice it would be to have a decent, pda-like phone.

There are some draw backs to the iphone:

a) the camera is prehistoric. No camcorder feature, despite the huge storage capacity. Little in the way of controls, which sucks, because even the blackjack has a good camera.
b) no buttons for feedback when you hit them.
c) low volume speakers. I can't hear the iphone ring when it's in my pocket in a quiet room.
d) no voice dialing. A big deal when I'm driving.
e) 3G iphones suck for battery power. However, so did the blackjack.
f) the worst drawback, in my opinion-- requires iTunes.
g) the 3G version of the phone will not have a dock, just a cable. so it'll be another thing lying on my desk to accidentally unplug while syncing.
h) AT&T, almost 'nuf said. It ruins the idea of the second gen. iphone because they are "subsidizing" the phone and starting to rape customers. Seriously. This time around the contract is two years, it is more expensive for less, and you can't activate at home over iTunes, you must wait in line, then wait about 30 minutes to activate at the freakin' store.
i) because it's AT&T SMS messaging cost a mint.

But there are some good features:

a) video voicemail. Now I can skip voicemails in the list, see who called at a glance, and ignore and delete voicemails without listening (well, maybe that's not a good thing...).
b) big, big buttons for dialing or typing. Yeah, they don't "give" when I hit them, but they are easier to get to than tiny keys...)
c) lots, and lots, and lots of nifty apps that I could use on the phone.
d) built in GPS (makes a lot of the apps work)
e) it works, as a phone, which I can't say the blackjack did. It lost calls, simply ignored calls, lost signal anywhere, anytime, broke up during calls for no reason, the list of flaws as a phone is endless. I have watched my BF with his iphone, and it simply works.
f) the handsfree headset comes with the phone.
g) it doubles as a video ipod. You can watch podcasts, tv shows and movies, as well as scroll through your music visually.
h) it has nice touch controls, especially scrolling, and the ability to pinch objects to zoom.
i) while being both an ipod and a cell phone, it can switch between calls and entertainment pretty easily. The BF never appeared to lose a video, song, text, or email after being interrupted by a call.
j) because the AT&T plan requires unlimited data, you do have unlimited data to do internet stuff. There are a lot of free and paid for apps that use that feature (like internet radio, searches, and more). Browsing is real, not requiring "mobile only" pages. It likes mobile pages because of the size of the screen. But because it can zoom, you can read any page. Also, you can IM people instead of SMS, so it can save money on texting.
k) Hard drive space. The blackjack has almost nothing (a few MBs) built in, you have to buy SD cards. The iphone has gigs of space, and I have to admit, it does synchronize with iTunes pretty well-- if you have it configured properly.

And that's why I am considering getting an iPhone. I need a new phone, despite the relative newness of the blackjack-- it was embarrassing having such a disfunctional phone while I was in Florida this summer. It made me look like an incompetent ass.

4) For those of you who might not know, my skin is aging really pretty badly. It appears that spending years writing books in the direct light of the sunny dining room (instead of the windowless cubicles and classrooms I was destined for) has damaged my skin pretty badly.

To compensate, I've been trying out sunscreens and other skin healing stuff. Here's what I've learned-- I am allergic to avobenzone, and sensitive to most all chemical sunscreens. Period. There isn't one that doesn't simply burn my skin anyway, regardless of sun exposure.

So, for a while, I was screwed. Then I found out about the mineral alternatives-- zinc oxide and titanium oxide-- which is in most mineral makeups.

Desperate, and besides I have to do more and more photoshoots and recorded presentations so it'd be nice to have some control over how my skin looks day to day, I started dabbling in the mineral makeup, as a sunscreen in the very least.

And found out that I am really allergic to most of them too. It's primarily the bismuth oxychloride that is the culprit, but I am also sensitive (or allergic, who can tell?) to lavender and coconut-- which is "natural" and in a lot of those mineral makeup offerings. (I also appear to be sensitive to Shea Butter, which has a kind of latex in it-- who knew?)

So, how in the hell was I going to be able to protect my skin from the continuing damage of sunlight exposure without actually hurting myself further? It took months but I found a few products that actually work and don't damage my skin:

- Vanicream sunblock 30 and 60 (but not 35 sport, which is enhanced with a chemical sunscreen). This stuff is super, super oily, and highlights every single pore and wrinkle. *Not* good for flattering your skin. The 60 really, really feels good in the sun though. It's like you're under an umbrella-- absolutely no heat while standing in direct sunlight. It works by coating your skin in minerals that reflect sunlight off your skin (and it's that reflective quality that highlights every, single, imperfection...).

- Sterling Minerals foundations ( my skin grew sensitive to the Everyday Minerals I tried earlier). Although they (Sterling Minerals) are reluctant to state the SPF of their stuff, it is super hypoallergenic and specifically for sensitive skin. I can really tell the difference when I have this stuff on because I, again, don't quite feel the sting and heat of mid-day sun (tested in June, in Orlando Florida). It is a powder, so it does, initially, look like I covered my skin in, well, powder. It does sort of melt into your skin eventually (especially in FL, lol), but you can also wet it down to get it to look less like you are trying to dessicate yourself. Unlike the vanicream though, the powder is not oily, shiny, or unflattering (once it stops being so dry). It works, lasts all day (it is almost waterproof, seriously), and actually helps hide all the broken capillaries under my fragile skin. Sterling Minerals is the only powder I have found that really makes my skin feel better after using it, and is completely comfortable from the moment it's on. However, it is a powder, so when it's dry out, it's not a great choice.

- Jane Iredale stuff. Of course I had to go through months of pain, trying out dozens of mineral makeups that have an SPF, only to find that the first one ever to go to market makes the best stuff...

I was first driven to try out the Jane Iredale stuff because I had to have some headshots done for a conference I was working. The requirement was unexpected, and I was not ready. I had had a disasterous experience with a moisturizer I'd gotten from a spa and still had blisters from being burned by it. And the broken capillaries under my skin, oy, my face looked like a road map with my freckles acting as location markers. Definitely not flattering. Even my boyfriend, who doesn't notice things like that, was concerned.

That drove me to find a healing, all natural, non-drying cover up for my face, in a color that might reasonably match my bizarre skin.

If only I could get mineral makeup, without the bismuth oxychloride, corn, wheat, etc., in a liquid form...

...and I could. Thus I tried out the Jane Iredale Liquid Minerals. Taa daa! Worked pretty well, didn't dry my face out (well, not for hours, then it was like a mask until I sprayed it again), the color was okay, and although it's sheer, it masked the capillaries and redness pretty well.

Then I found that the Jane Iredale line had changed their powdered formulas so that they did not use Bismuth Oxychloride either (hooray). *And* the powders, all of them, are rated at SPF 20! Yay, a sunscreen that is rated *and* is a powder.

So, now my skin is comfy, defended from the sun, and looks okay from a distance (or in the right light). ; )

So that's my update about the nifty things I've been thinking about over the last several months.

If I have time, I'll keep you updated on what happens next concerning the iphone, my continued adventures with being photographed and videoed, and more.

So, so many things

Wow, so much has happened since February. Here's the brief catch-up:

Finished the book by the end of December (my editor bailed from the publishing company around that time-- and no one bothered to tell me), it published in January.

In December (before the book came out), I got an email from a brokerage wanting me to revise the Microsoft Official Curriculum 5060A. They were obviously unaware that I was sorely mistreated by Microsoft Learning in 2006 when technical editing the original 5060 course. The course was a travesty of technical inaccuracy. It was obvious the writer had never used WSS and was copy and pasting from beta material written by internal staff on beta versions of the software. MS documentation, particularly in the early stages, is notorious for lack of clarity and inaccuracy. Then the writer compounds it by completely misunderstanding what the documenters wrote (very likely due to the fact that the documenters were californian citizens, and the curriculum author was in india and spoke English as a second language). When I found that they were also simply disregarding all of my edits, fixes, and suggestions, I bailed on the gig. These were the people who had the cajones to say "what made you think you were qualified for this project?" "Uh, maybe because I could actually correct the author. If I didn't know what I was doing, I would simply nod my head dumbly at anything they handed in..."

• I turned down the offer, was pursued after they saw my resume online, and finally, after refusing it a second time, was flatly told that MSL would accept no other SME (Subject Matter Expert) to do the project.
• What a load of bull.
• I asked for a fee far above what they, the indians-- because of course this version of the courseware would be outsourced-- wanted to pay me. I then got started planning, revising, and rewriting. The brokers swore they would protect me from non-payment, from schedule problems, and all the other bumps and bruises working with the outsourcers inevitably cause.
• Again, bullshit. The brokers were not only useless during the project, but they were almost useless when it came to getting money.
• Bottom line is, I worked through christmas, new year's, and valentines day. I worked on my vacation (more on that in a moment). Meanwhile, the indians took as much of my work as they needed to create the new revised plan-- then suddenly went radio silent on me, secretly replaced me with someone less qualified, but cheaper and more pliable (and probably internal), turned in my draft material as finished, and never intended to pay me--- All while the brokers did nothing. Nothing. When I brought up the fact that there was a problem, they seemed shocked that things weren't going right. And they took two months to finally get me some money. Of course, I was supposed to be paid $3500 for turning in an outline-- which I did, and $3500 for design specifications. What I am being paid now is a measley $2450. And the broker thinks that's great. And she wrote the original contract with all the numbers listed.
• So that sucked. Meanwhile, the book cost me a year in income and now I've wasted three months revising courseware that I will never get to finish, will be written by someone with dubious provenance, and I will never get credit for any of my work. Oh, and the pay is insulting.
• And, all the while, Microsoft acted like they didn't approve everything the outsourcers did to me, acting as if they had no idea. Which is, patently, untrue.
• Lesson? Do no further work with Microsoft Learning. Never work with an indian outsourcing company. And never use brokers or agents. If you need them to get a gig, you don't need the gig. Trust me, it's not worth it.

I went to Barbados in February (no, I didn't get anything to eat on the trip in, or out for that matter-- yes, planning could have been better...). It was beautiful. I turned out to be terribly allergic to the native mosquitos (bad enough to warrant a call to the resort doctor and a visit to the hospital Medical Center), as well as allergic to the bug spray for the mosquitos (blistering skin on my face and a swollen lip to my nose-- couldn't drink without a straw because I couldn't entirely close my mouth because of the swelling), and allergic to my expensive, hypoallergenic, 60 SPF sunscreen (blisters and a rash on my neck, chest, and face-- where the bugspray was not irritating me).

• NOTE: I did, but not quite quick enough, learn how to overcome the mosquito issue-- better mosquito netting and a great, all natural bug spray-- and the sunscreen problem-- baby face, infant sunscreen.
• Barbados weather was gorgeous, very humid, 80's to 90's the whole time. Plenty of beaches and fresh air (so, so nice and healing, salty and warm). Went swimming in my girls4sports surfing duds-- spf rated of course at the lovely, west side beaches. I ate at great restaurants (and some bad resort bars and buffets). I saw beautiful sunsets, and ironically, several lovely sunrises (since, strangely, I couldn't sleep after five am-- meaning I was pretty exhausted throughout the trip). I got to sight see a little, take some photos, hike around. Overall, after the initial problems with my health, it was pretty cool.
• The downside, of course, was that it was ridiculously expensive. Really, really expensive, and not worth it when I spent three of the five days there feverish, in pain, swollen and delirious.

When I got back from Barbados I got back in touch with the people who do the conference I love so much in Toronto. This year it was called "IT360" in previous years it was called "NetworkWorld Expo". The old crew was managing it this year (the previous year, which I didn't work because of the book, was managed by different people). They were willing to have me speak (which was nice since I'd not worked the previous year), so I signed up to do four sessions.
I spent my free time between recovering from Barbados and the first week of April, preparing for the conference. Meanwhile, my boyfriend cleared his calendar, paid for airfare, and prepared to join me for a romantic revisit to the lovely, frigid, city of Toronto in April. It was going to be great...

• ...The day before we left, I started getting a tight, sore feeling in my chest. I thought it was just allergies and didn't worry about it. The following day, after getting up really early, sitting in a dry, dusty airport, dry plane, dry airport (and customs) in Toronto, overheated, dry taxi, and then getting to the really dry, overheated hotel, I was truly sick. That night I had a fever of 101.2. The following day it was worse-- I was having a hard time breathing, my throat was raw and I was having trouble speaking. Not to mention the symptoms of the fever itself. And the dry cold air on the walk to the conference building from the hotel was really bad (I didn't realize that really dry cold air is very bad on inflamed lungs)..
• I went to the conference before my sessions, and tried to mention to the management that I might have to bail because I was sick. I obviously was ill. However, they were in the middle of a catastrophy because a guy from Florida just didn't show up for his sessions because he was sick. The management and staff only found out he wasn't there when the attendees waited an *hour* (bless those polite canadians) before complaining that the presenter blew them off. Then they couldn't find him at first because he wouldn't respond to their calls to his room. Finally he informed them that he was sick, that he'd emailed them, and that he wasn't doing his sessions.
  
  Emailed?! Like the staff at the conference had time to read their emails during the event?? Who was this guy?!
  
• So, anyway, the management had had to refund all the attendees money for his sessions. And because of that, there was no way they would be okay with me mentioning that, ahem, I was sick too and was wondering if I could just go home...
  
  ...so I ended up teaching with a worsening fever and lung infection for two days, about four to five hours a day. On my feet, talking as loud as I could, in a very, very dry convention center. On the last day, about twenty minutes into my last session, I felt my fever break while I stode there talking. It sucked.
  
• But the canadians were really, really nice. Seriously, they are angels that make it all (minus the illness) worth it. They were totally nice about my being sick-- even though the fever made me rambly in places and my pacing was wretched. They stayed with me til the end.
  

Then, I went home, which is where I am now. I slept the entire day after I got back. It didn't help. So I went to a medi-help clinic (because, by that time, it was the weekend and my doctor was out). It turns out that I did have a slight case of pneumonia. If I had waited any longer it would have gotten bad.

I was given some antibiotics, an albuterol inhaler (because the breath test showed I had seriously diminished lung function), and an appointment to come back the next week.

I took the antibiotics (Biaxin-- an okay antibiotic-- side effects were mild except for the constant, overwhelming, bad taste in my mouth) for a week. They did not entirely get rid of the pneumonia, but the doctor (a different guy this time-- that's medi-help for ya) said it might take several additional weeks to get over it. So now I have to go back at the end of the week to, again, do a breath test to see if my lung capacity is back to normal (the second appointment showed my lungs had improved to only 74% function by the end of the antibiotics).

So I had the early stages of pneumonia while working the conference in Toronto. Great. And it is why, even now, I am still struggling to recover. I still can't breathe properly, am easily exhausted, and have no appetite (a serious problem for someone who is hypoglycemic).

--- and on to more girly stuff now.

Before the conference I was having real problems with my skin. Real problems. I was wrinkling like an old lady, the skin on my face was so dry it was cracking and bleeding, it was papery and really uncomfortable. So it was obvious that my nice, cheap, and easy oil of olay was no longer cutting it. Also, I was having increasing problems with sunlight hypersensitivity. So I needed to really invest in, and regularly use, sunscreen.

I did a lot of research and decided on getting an exfoliant to get rid of the peeling skin and expose new skin, find an alpha-hydroxy, retinol moisturizer (possibly one for night and one for day) to help heal and soften my skin, and to find a healthy sunscreen (despite my Barbados experience with the best sunscreens on the market).

To that end I got some Roc night time moisturizer (alpha-hydroxy and retinol), a neutrogena scrubby thing to essentially do a micropeel, and, because of my problems with chemical sunscreens, some bare minerals powder with titanium and zinc oxide.

Well, Roc worked, but the bare minerals were bad. There is an ingredient they are not obligated to put on their label-- bismuth oxychloride-- that my skin hates. I turned red as a lobster, got red, bumpy hives all over my cheeks, under my eyes, and on my chin. My eyes got styes, and my lips swelled. It was bad.

The Roc stuff worked great though. But with the alpha-hydroxy making my skin even more light sensitive, the imperative for a sunscreen increased.

So I did yet more research and came up with "Everyday Minerals." A mineral makeup company that literally exist to offer makeup that does not have bismuth oxychloride in it. I ordered some samples but got them the day before I left for Toronto. I used them in toronto, and they were okay. Although, by the last, long, performance day, I was looking a little wrinkly, dry, and worn out, I am sure.

Now that I am home, the testing has continued. I am definitely allergic to Avobenzone. It is the culprit. I now have two moisturizers with UVA/UVB protection that don't seem (so far) to be causing any serious reactions. One is Olay completel all day moisture lotion SPF 15, and the other is Neutrogena's Intensified day moisture SPF 15 cream. Both are fragrance free, which is cool.

So now I have a night moisturizer to actually get rid of the wrinkles and dryness, and a day moisturizer to use as a sunscreen. I wish I could use makeup in the meantime, but hey, at least my face no long feels like it's going to fall off...

So that's my story. You are caught up.

In the future, expect to hear stories about the fact that I have been accepted to work part time for both weeks of TechEd in Florida (yes, teched is two weeks this year: separated into a Developer's week and an IT Pro week). That will be fourteen days away from my boyfriend, the longest stretch away from him since we meet fifteen years ago.

There are also other adventures on the horizon, so don't be surprised if more adventure filled posts crop up soon.