More from this week

I finally, really, got over the cold on Wednesday. It definitely slowed me down.

It's friday and I finally finished the last chapter's edits.... or, more honestly, I finally just gave up on chapter 12's edits and sent it in.

You see, the book may be finishing, but my heart's not currently in it.

I am alone, the weather's beautiful, the book is almost finished, and my boyfriend is adventuring in Portland OR without me. He was packing last night and this morning... then I drove him to the airport and drove home alone.

I cam home alone, to the silence, and the continued work. I was up until 3am this morning, then got up around 9am and kept going. The work didn't let up while my boyfriend was preparing to leave, nor when I had to take him to the airport (terrible traffic at first- it was so tempting to accidentally drive off in the wrong direction and just keep going....), and now I sit trying to keep going. I did manage to turn the chapter in, but now I just can't keep going.

I don't care anymore. I've been working desperately on these edits with the goal of; the moment I was done, I'd get to be with my boyfriend. As soon as I was done, I'd go upstairs where he'd be watching videos or playing games on his computer, and I'd say "Hey, I'm done. Let's go out and see a movie." And then life would start again. We'd do stuff, have fun. I'd get to appreciate his company without the constant pressure of finishing the book.

And now that he's not here, I don't care to finish. Screw it. Why bother? When I'm done, there'll be no one to go upstairs to.