Okay, so weeks ago I mentioned that I spend too much time in a little 6x5 room and that I needed to get out a little. To that end I decided I would set up my deck to be an outside office of sorts.
I also mentioned that my backyard has completely no privacy because it is so very close to the neighbors' that everytime I open my backdoor, someone nearby looks up from what they are doing. There just is no way to have a private moment out there.
Well, I did some research online and found a 9' market umbrella for 49.95$, a table for 34.95$, some chairs at about four dollars apiece, and some large plants for about 10 dollars apiece. So I went out to one of the super-mega-mega stores and bought those things, plus a lot of dirt. Never know when you might need some dirt.
When I got home and set the table and umbrella up, I realized that they gave me the 7.5' umbrella. It was pretty, tan, floral, but not the size I wanted (assuming that bigger for the same price is better). So I called the store to be sure they had the umbrella I want in stock. They did, so I had the stock guy put it aside for me to pick up within the hour. I immediately packed up the small umbrella and headed to the store. Arriving there, I found that the stock boy had gone on lunch and no one could find the umbrella with my name on it.... ...finally someone found the umbrella. I asked if I could see the color (I had a bad feeling that turned out to be correct). Unfortunately, the umbrella was in a bag (made of the same material, appropriately the same color as the umbrella) that was sort of green, but couldn't easily be opened right there at the register. They assured me that the umbrella was tan, just as it was advertised. Uh, sure. I really wanted to check it out but finally gave in and decided to just take it home because that place gave me the creeps.
Having brought it home I found that 1) it's huge and dominates my deck (maybe that 7.5' one wasn't so bad after all) and a nasty light khaki green color (that doesn't show up as green as it is on my camera phone for some reason).
Nonetheless, it's still there because it does make it mighty shady on the deck, and it definitely cooler sitting at the table. Ugly but cool. Kinda like volvos.
The day I put up the umbrella, and for the rest of the week, the weather was windy, very windy, cloudy to rainy, and cold (thus proving that the patio is a powerful place to control the weather gods. Beware if your offerings are not pleasing). The bad weather did give me the opportunty to learn a quick but effective lesson that the cheap umbrella stand I bought was in no way heavy enough to keep the umbrella from actually pulling out of the hole in the middle of the table and becoming airbourne, destroying some pretty precious plants, and generally messing things up.
To overcome this issue, in desperation, I tied down the umbrella with the only thing handy, christmas garland that I usually wrap around the stair rails.
-- Yes christmas decorations, and no not because it was still up. Look, it was handy, it's made of pretty thick gauge wire, it's pliable, and well, did I mention it was handy?--
So, I wrapped that badboy around and around the umbrella pole, down between some slats of the deck, and back up. I figured it would suffice.
And suffice it does, except for that drunken list to the side that it has. You see, the poor seven dollar umbrella stand has been battered and loosened to the point where it can't hold the umbrella upright anymore, so it leans and sways at the end of the garland like a sleepy animal in the wind.
Of course, this means that I had to go to the store and buy a new umbrella stand for an additional 20 bucks. And, at this point that leaves me owning it, but I just need to find time to actually go through the process of upboxing, and assembling the darn thing before I wrestle with the umbrella, struggling to force the wild beast, full of wind and sun, to submit to being bound by the metal embrace of the cast iron stand.
--Yeah, yeah, I could close the umbrella and make it easy on myself, but it *is* a 50$ umbrella, and having gotten what I paid for I am not all that confident in it's ability to open again should I close it before the summer season ends.--
In addition to the umbrella, you may remember, I purchased three large (apx. three foot) umbrella palm kind of plants for privacy. You know, victorian parlor kind of plants, indigenous to ubiquitous waiting places. Generally covered in dust, and surviving despite the neglect of its owners. Those plants.
Anyway, I bought a couple of those and stuck them on some fold out benches along the side of the deck closest to the nearest (and most annoying) neighbors. They (the neighbors) didn't seem to like that, truth be told, but as far as I am concerned the plants are a success. A nice, green wall of foliage, swaying in the breeze (or reeling violently in the wind, take your pick). Unfortunately, only hours after purchase, the tall plants had fallen down several times, destroying several smaller plants (namely the bonsai trees I had been nurturing for up to ten years) in the process. I tried (and failed with) several methods to tie the plants down before coming up with my ingeneous wide strip of plastic (otherwise known as bits torn from plastic bags) around the base of the plant itself. This method keeps the plant from falling over, is low enough not to be too noticeable (but not so low, as in around the pot itself, to be ineffective), wide enough not to shear through the plant if the wind is strong enough (think garroting someone one with fishing line), and transparent as well.
Now the deck is a nice, shady, safe place to sit and do work. The outdoor electrical socket makes it possible to run an outdoor extension cord to the table to power my laptop and external harddrive, and I can point the dining room stereo speakers out the sliding screendoor and listen to music.
Ah, yes, this is the life....except for one small problem I somehow managed to overlook. My laptop screen, no matter how high the setting, cannot be bright enough to view outside. Even under the gahdawful umbrella, it is not dark enough. Yup, I can sit on the deck and work, but I can't see the screen.
So after all that work, here I sit, inside, looking at my peaceful plantridden deck. It looks nice, but it's too bright during the day to work out there. Now I guess I will have to have a party to get any use out of the stuff I bought. Bummer.
Stay tuned next time when I try to bring my laptop mountain biking.......
-callahan
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